Dating Quotes

I don't make mistakes..
I just date them.

Bisexuality immediately
doubles your chances
for a date on Saturday night.

A permission marketer
goes on a date
if it goes well,the two of them
 go on another date
and then another
until 10 or 12 dates
both sides can really communicate
with each other, about their needs and desires
after 20 dates, they meet each others families
Finally after 3 months of dating
the permission marketer proposes a marriage
permission marketing is just like dating
it turns into friends, and friends
into lifetime customers
Many of the rules of dating apply
and so do many of the benefits.

Watching your daughter
being collected by her date
feels like handling a million dollars
stradivarius to a gorilla


Seems like I am always
chosen to be the friend
they can date other girls
and go out with other girls
but when it comes to me
I always hear those same three words
"let's be friends"
and I can date other guys
but the one's I really care about.

The other way to get married is a lot more
fun, a lot more rational, and a lot more successful.
it's called dating

Whenever I date a guy,
I think, "Is this the man
I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"

I'm dating a woman now who,
evidently, is unaware of it.

How many of you have ever started
dating because you were too lazy
to commit suicide?

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky.
The woman already knows.

I only date stewardesses.
Or maybe it just seems that way.
Women always seem to be
showing me the exits.

I've been on so many blind dates,
I should get a free dog.

I date this girl for two years
- and then the nagging starts:
'I wanna know your name..."

My philosophy of dating

is to just fart right away.

The whole dating ritual
was different when I was a kid.
Girls got pinned, not nailed.

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy.
I'm dating a pregnant woman.

Dating is so insecure.
My last relationship,
I was always there for her
and she dumped me.
I told her about it. I said,
"Remember when your grandma died?
I was there.
Remember when you flunked out of school?
I was there.
Remember when you lost your job?
I was there!"
She said, "I know
- you're bad luck."

My grandmother's 90.
She's dating. He's about 93.
It's going great.
They never argue.
They can't hear each other.

Employees make the best dates.
You don't have to pick them up
and they're always tax-deductible.

I've been dating since I was fifteen.
I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview,
that lasts all night. 

The only difference between
a date and a job interview is:
not many job-interviews
is there a chance you'll end up
naked at the end of it.

I'm dating a homeless woman.
It was easier talking her into staying over.

I have no luck with women.
I once went on a date
and asked the woman
if she'd brought any protection.
She pulled a switchblade on me.