Funny Love Quotes

I want to drink from your loving cup
Swear I'll never give you up
Steal all your kisses underneath the moon
I want to lie here close to you
look at what you made me do
Darling you're the reason why
I drink, swear, steal and lie

Some kiss behind the garden gate
cuz love is blind but the neighbors aint

The opposite sex is the most dangerous
and addictive drug out there,
but the high is unlike anything else.

I Love You is an 8 letter phrase
But then again so is Bull Shit...

Sex without love is an empty experience,

but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Love is 3/4 dream and 1/4 reality.

Problems usually arise
when you fall in love with the dream
and not the reality.
But, yet you find true love
when you fall in love with both.

FRIEND:

A member of the opposite sex
in your acquaintance who has some flaw
which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Sex without the sizzle

is like lemonade without the pop,
it quenches your thirst,
but leaves you feeling flat!

Passion is not having sex;
it's making love forever.

True love is like a pair of socks:
you gotta have two and they've gotta match.

marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.


Men aren't necessities,
they're luxuries.


If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men

for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.

Marrying a man is like
buying something you've been admiring
for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home,
but it doesn't always go
with everything else in the house.


When we got married I told my wife
If you leave me,
I'm going with you.
And she never did.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

He said he'd love me forever.
Forever ended quick.

Love is like a game of chess:
One false move and you're mated.

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.

The bravest thing that
men do is love women.

Sex without love is
merely healthy exercise.

Watching your daughter being
collected by her date feels like
handing over a million dollar
Stradivarius to a gorilla.

Whenever I date a guy,
I think, Is this the man
I want my children to spend their weekends with?

You have to kiss a lot of toads

before you find a handsome prince.

Sometimes I wonder if men
and women really suit each other.
Perhaps they should live next door
and just visit now and then.

Honeymoon:
A short period of doting
between dating and debating.

Love:
the delusion that one woman
differs from another.

Love:
a temporary insanity,
curable by marriage...

The longest journey you will ever take
is the 18 inches from your head to your heart.

Sex without the sizzle
is like lemonade without the pop,
it quenches your thirst,
but leaves you feeling flat!

Passion is not having sex;
it's making love forever.

True love is like a pair of socks:
you gotta have two and they've gotta match.

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.

Men aren't necessities,
they're luxuries.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men

for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.

Marrying a man is like
buying something you've been admiring
for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home,
but it doesn't always go
with everything else in the house.

When we got married I told my wife
If you leave me,
I'm going with you.
And she never did.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

He said he'd love me forever.
Forever ended quick.

Love is like a game of chess:
One false move and you're mated.

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.

The bravest thing that
men do is love women.

Sex without love is
merely healthy exercise.

Watching your daughter being
collected by her date feels like
handing over a million dollar
Stradivarius to a gorilla.

Whenever I date a guy,
I think, Is this the man
I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Women desire six things:

They want their husbands to be brave,
wise, rich, generous,
obedient to wife, and lively in bed

How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

It takes half the amount of time
you dated someone to get over them.

I've been on so many blind dates,
I should get a free dog.

Lots of women just go out with me
to further their careers
- damn anthropologists.

I'm dating a homeless woman.
It was easier talking her into staying over.

My computer dating bureau
came up with a perfect gentleman.
Still, I've got another three goes.
(Computer dating)
It's terrific if you're a computer.

Do you believe in computer dating?
Only if the computers really love each other.

My grandmother's 90.
She's dating.
He's about 93.
It's going great.
They never argue.
They can't hear each other.

A man who won't lie to a woman has
very little consideration for her feelings.


When a man goes on a date,
he wonders if he is going to get lucky.
A woman already knows.

My toughest fight was with my first wife.